Opening Up

A friend recommended Tristan Taormino's book, "Opening Up," and I have been devouring it this evening. I have already read "The Ethical Slut" and found it useful, but this book really hits home with me in many areas. I have found myself underlining many passages, passages about the reasoning behind jealousy, how to deal with broken agreements, how to be honest. I am feeling validated and at the same time am developing confidence in how things may turn out. One thing Taormino encourages is to meet the other lover, for the very reasons that I have been expressing - so as not to demonize her or see her as anything other than a normal human being. I am so glad to see it in print like this. I have more to read, but the book has been really helpful. And the list of resources at the back is great. One area that she addresses is Finding Community. Community is something I yearn for, and if I can find a community of others who are living this lifestyle, I won't feel so excluded. I think my feeling of exclusion is strong - I feel excluded when my lover is with his other lover, and I feel excluded from so-called "mainstream society" because I don't have a traditional, monogamous relationship. So I often feel very alone, even when I have friends to talk to - because right now they all come from the traditional mainstream monogamous group. It's time to consult the resources at the back of the book and seek out a community where I am not unique.

I am feeling more cheerful about this than I have in a long time! Hooray!