I acknowledge that this is not a traditional situation, and there is no safe, organized set of rules. So, here are the facts:
- I am deeply in love with a man who is polyamorous
- I am monogamous
- He is in love with me
- He has another lover who is important to him
- He is not going to change how he loves women
- I am not going to change how I love men
- I am with him a little less than 50% of the time
- When I am with him, I am very happy
- When I am not with him, there are times when I am desperately unhappy
- When he is not with me, he is not unhappy
The only really bad one of those bullet points is the one about being really unhappy when I am not with him. And that's really only when he is with his other lover. But I am changing, I am working on compersion. It seems to me that it is the only way to soften the sadness. If I can learn to be happy for him (and maybe even her) when they are together, wouldn't life be great? So that is my goal. A big shift. But not impossible. He and I have been apart now for ten days. He is with her for the next few days. It is normally at this time that I am weeping, feeling rejected and lonely, and having a very bad time. But I'm not. I'm calm. Missing him, yes. Looking forward very much to seeing him next week, yes. But feeling like my life is not worth living, no.
Hooray for me. This might work...
Hey Girl, I don't know you, but I feel you. I am not in a poly relationship right now, though I am open to one, it would have to be a 3 way. I don't, personally mind you (never judge for others) believe that a 2/1 would work for me. I would love to be in a triad though. I think you are amazing and strong to move through all of this and look within. That is all any of us can do.
ReplyDeletePlease know that it is ALWAYS ok to ASK for what you want. Especially for instance, if it would be ok with you if he called her everyday for some meaningful conversation while he was with you. "We are in a meaningful relationship and I am not currently involved with any other person. You are my lover and I would like to talk with you daily, meaningfully. How can we create it so that happens?" is a reasonable request. The 3 of you can work together to make it happen. Good luck to you.
You can write to me if you like...
annieohmeohmy@gmail.com